THE GETAWAY

by Denisa Dobrovodová

Excerpt from a stage play, The Getaway

CHARACTERS

Linda (23) 

Alec (24) - Linda's long-term boyfriend

Abbey (23) - Linda's childhood best friend

Jamie (24) - Alec's rugby teammate 

Mrs Hutcherson (late 70s) - a nosy inhabitant of a nearby cottage

CONTENT WARNINGS

Strong language

Scenes of a sexual nature

Violence

References to substance abuse

Abuse

Alcohol Abuse

Sexism/Misogyny

Smoking

ACT I

SCENE 1

Dark stage. The sound of erotic noises. Loud female moans and giggles. Light comes on. ABBEY(23), dressed in an oversized sweater, both in and out of fashion, walks on stage, luggage in hand. She stands in front of the entrance and rings. No response from the inside, just more echoes of voices, moans and grunts. Abbey looks around awkwardly and rings again. JAMIE (25), in a vintage jacket, is carrying a backpack, walks on stage and notices Abbey. Abbey knocks on the door. 

JAMIE: (scratching his head and smiling awkwardly):Hi. 

ABBEY: (turning around) Oh, hi. 

Awkward silence. 

JAMIE: (walks closer to Abbey and extends his hand):Jamie. 

ABBEY: (accepting his hand) Abbey. 

JAMIE: Did you try ringing? 

Abbey nods. Loud bangs are coming from the inside of the house. Jamie laughs in embarrassment.

ABBEY: They seem busy. 

JAMIE: Couples, huh? 

LINDA: (off stage, loud steps and panting) Coming!

LINDA (23), tying her pink nightgown with ruffles, runs on stage. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair messy. 

LINDA: Coming!

Linda grabs the keys from the kitchen counter. 

LINDA: (to herself) Here you are. (to Alec) Al! Come on, they’re here!

Linda smooths her hair, takes a deep breath and unlocks the door. 

LINDA: (opening the door) Well hello!

ABBEY: Hi, Li. 

Abbey approaches Linda, and the two hug. Jamie stands awkwardly behind them. 

LINDA: It’s been way too long!

ABBEY: It has, hasn’t it? 

LINDA: (pulling away from the hug) James! Oh, you two met already? I was hoping to introduce you. Oh well. Come on in. 

Linda walks in, without offering to help with Abbey’s luggage. Jamie picks up Abbey’s weekender bag. Both follow Linda into the kitchen/dining/living area. There’s a large dining table in the middle of the room and an armchair in the back. 

LINDA: Sit down. 

Abbey and Jamie follow her orders and sit at the dining room table. Linda is walking around the kitchen. 

LINDA: Water? 

ABBEY: (shaking her head) No, thank you. 

LINDA: Alec!

Linda pours Abbey a glass of water and hands it to her. 

JAMIE: She said she didn’t want any - 

LINDA: Alec, get your ass down here right this second. The guests are here. (Turning to Abbey and Jamie) I swear to god, sometimes I feel like I am the head of this household. 

ALEC (25), with an expression of pride and satisfaction, finally comes out. He is barefoot and putting on his university hoodie. 

LINDA: Finally. 

Alec walks to Linda and kisses her on the cheek.

ALEC: Playing house again? 

LINDA: Remember Abbey? 

ALEC: Of course, I do. How are you, Abbey? Jamie, my man! 

Alec and Jamie greet each other. Alec sits at the table.

JAMIE: It’s a nice pad you’ve got here, Al. 

ALEC: Told you, we should have organised something with the whole team. It’s probably too late now. 

LINDA:(to Abbey) They played rugby together in uni. (to Alec) Rugby lads, aren’t you? 

Linda approaches Alec, embraces him from behind and puts her head on his neck. 

ALEC: (smirking) You know it, babe. 

LINDA Coffee, anyone? 

Jamie opens up his backpack and pulls out a bottle of mid-grade gin. 

JAMIE: (passing the bottle to Alec) Thanks for having me. 

Linda takes the bottle from Jamie, denying Alec the chance to have a look. 

LINDA: That’s awfully nice of you, Jamie. 

Linda takes the bottle and puts it in the kitchen cupboard. She takes out a bottle of wine instead.

LINDA: Would anyone like some wine? 

ALEC: Please. It’s the last weekend of fun. Come Monday, it’s all over for me.

JAMIE: That bad, huh? 

ALEC: Ehm, you know how it is. Gotta grow up sometime, I suppose. 

JAMIE: So what’s the job? 

ALEC: Don’t even go there, man. It’s too depressing to think about. 

LINDA: Don’t exaggerate, Alec. I think it will be fun in the end. I hear they even do free drinks every Wednesday. 

JAMIE: Do they? Well, that’s pretty cool, isn’t it?

ALEC: I guess. Might be worth selling out for a free beer. 

LINDA: You’re not selling out. You’re accepting responsibility. That’s different. 

Linda opens up a bottle of red wine.

ABBEY: Are you gonna work for Linda’s family, then? 

Linda glares at Abbey. 

ABBEY: (caught off guard) Sorry, I just assumed. 

ALEC: There it is. I will be a bloody insurance salesman. A “nepo-in-law.”

LINDA: Well, it could be worse, couldn’t it? 

Loud silence. 

LINDA: You could go back to bartending if that’s what you prefer. Or show a little gratitude. My dad didn’t have to get you the job. 

ALEC: I never asked him to get me the job. (pauses) Did you? 

Linda pulls out four glasses and pours the wine. 

ALEC: Did you? How could you? 

LINDA: Well, I didn’t exactly ask him. I just suggested that you might be the right person for the job. With your skills and all. 

ALEC: I am not a salesman, Linda. 

LINDA: Well, you are now, aren’t you?

Linda distributes the wine glasses. 

JAMIE: Thank you. 

LINDA:(raising her glass) Cheers everyone! I am so happy you could all make it. 

ABBEY: So who else is coming? 

LINDA: Oh, it’s just us. Come on, let me show you around. 

Abbey puts down her glass before she can take a sip. 

LINDA: (walking around) So this is the kitchen, obviously. Our bedroom is just through that door. Oh, and there is a lovely little terrace here if you fancy a smoke. And your room is there. 

Abbey follows Linda to the bedroom. It’s a modest room with only one double bed and an armchair.

LINDA: This is you. (smirking) And Jamie. 

ABBEY: What? 

LINDA: Well, I’m sorry we don’t have a villa. It’s not that bad, though, is it? 

Abbey, slowly realising what she has got herself into, looks around in horror.

LINDA: Jamie, come check out your bedroom. 

Jamie, carrying his glass of wine, appears on the doorstep.

LINDA: I will leave you two to it. 

ACT II

SCENE 3

Linda is alone on the stage, sitting in front of the house and sipping coffee. Abbey, with her own coffee cup in hand, joins her. 

ABBEY: Good coffee.

Abbey sits down next to Linda. 

LINDA: It’s a bit bitter. 

ABBEY: I like it. 

Linda lights a cigarette. 

LINDA: Want one? 

ABBEY: I didn’t know you smoked.

LINDA: Now and then. 

Linda takes a drag. 

ABBEY: Li? 

LINDA: (absentmindedly) Hmm? 

ABBEY: Why did you do it?

LINDA: (confused) Hmm?

ABBEY: The job. Why are you making him take it?

LINDA: What?

ABBEY: Well, he clearly doesn’t want it. 

LINDA: He needed a job, Abbey. He was going on and on about it for months. I just wanted to help him out. 

ABBEY: Push him in the right direction? 

LINDA: You’re acting as if it’s a bad thing. 

ABBEY: Look, I am just saying, it wouldn’t hurt to, you know, loosen the reins a little bit. 

LINDA: Excuse me?

ABBEY: It’s just that, that’s what you tend to do. You- 

LINDA: I what?

ABBEY: You push people to do things. 

LINDA: That’s because I care. I want him to be successful. I want him to provide one day, you know, not for me, per se, but men need it, you know? They need to feel masculine. And I didn’t tell him, because he needs to feel like he did this on his own. 

ABBEY: Is that what men need, too?

LINDA: Where’s this coming from, Abbey? I am not the bad guy here. He’s... he’s had issues. Barely finished uni to be honest. He needed a bit of a push and I gave him just that, okay?

ABBEY: You don’t always know what’s best for everyone. 

LINDA: Why are you doing this? Is this about you now? 

ABBEY: I am not doing anything. It’s just... you don’t always know best, Linda. People need to figure stuff out on their own sometimes.

LINDA: Is this about uni again? 

ABBEY: Well, yeah. Among other things. 

LINDA: I still think if you’d changed your mind, you would have had a great time and - 

ABBEY(interrupting): I didn’t want to go to uni, Linda. It wasn’t the right decision for me. It’s not for everyone, you know?

LINDA: I think everyone can get something out of-

ABBEY: Stop it. That’s not true. Not even the point, though. Come on, you have to admit that you’re a bit of a control freak. 

LINDA: Absolutely not. 

ABBEY: Really? You don’t always know best?

LINDA: What is that supposed to mean? 

ABBEY: Jamie?

LINDA: What about Jamie? 

ABBEY: You don’t think I know what’s going on here? Why you invited me? I know I didn’t go to uni, but at least don’t insult my intelligence, please. 

LINDA: What’s wrong with Jamie?

ABBEY :(irritated) Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with Jamie. He’s lovely. Again, not the point, though.

LINDA: When was the last time you had a boyfriend, Abbey? Hell, even a friend with benefits. Or you don’t need that, the same way you don’t need uni? Are you above everything and everyone else now? 

Abbey clenches her jaw but stays quiet. 

LINDA: You think you can just fly through life without any responsibilities? Without anything real? Just stay home and make your jewellery and be content forever?

ABBEY: All I said was to give Alec some space. Just let him breathe. 

LINDA: Well, you’re accusing me of meddling? What do you know about my relationship? What do you know about any relationship, for that matter? 

ABBEY: Linda-

LINDA: No. You can’t preach when you know nothing about me, nothing about Alec. We haven’t spoken for nearly a year and even before that it was just... just different. It’s like you’re... no longer you. 

ABBEY: I am not me? Because I disagree with you on a couple of things? Because I dare to give you advice? You’re attacking my life, attacking my decisions. I am content. Are you? 

LINDA: That’s not even a real question. 

ABBEY: Oh, it is a real question. Are you happy, Linda? Are you satisfied with what you have done? The life you built? Because from where I am standing, it seems like you know what’s right for everyone but yourself. 

LINDA: What is that supposed to mean? 

ABBEY: You’ve been doing this for years, Linda. Since we were kids. Bossing me around and, and making me do things that you thought I should be doing. But you know what? It’s my fault. I never said anything. Never stood up for myself. I just let you boss me around and, and, and choose my clothes and tell me who to like and who to hate and how many spoons of sugar I can have and-

LINDA:(taking a drag)I was a good friend to you. I am a good friend to you.

ABBEY: Maybe. In your own way. But since your dad left, you have just- 

Linda glances at Abbey and subconsciously clenches her fist. 

LINDA: I have what? What have I done since my dad left? 

ABBEY: I am sorry. That was too far. I went too far. 

A moment of silence. 

LINDA: I think you and Jamie could really hit it off. 

Linda stubs her cigarette. 

ACT II

SCENE 4

Later that night. All four are sitting around the dining table covered in dirty glasses, dishes and snacks. Alec is scrolling on his phone and hitting on his vape. 

LINDA: More wine, anyone? 

ALEC: (lifting his cup) Top me up, baby. 

LINDA: Shall we play something? Never Have I Ever, perhaps?

ALEC: Not Never Have I Ever. That’s overplayed.

LINDA: Fine, then what do you suggest?

ABBEY: Truth or Dare?

ALEC: (taking a sip)Two truths, one lie. 

JAMIE: Oh shit. Let’s do it. 

ABBEY: I’m not sure if we know each other well enough for... You know what? It might be fun, actually.

LINDA: (annoyed) Fine. Start, Abbey. 

ABBEY: Hmm, okay. I’ve driven drunk. I’ve made out with a girl. And... I’ve never been abroad. 

ALEC: Boring. 

ABBEY: What is it then? 

ALEC: Drunk driving. 

JAMIE: Was it? 

ABBEY: Someone else then. Alec?

ALEC: I’ve had a foursome. I slept with my friend’s girlfriend. I’ve tried acid. 

JAMIE: Foursome. 

ALEC: Nope. 

ABBEY: Slept with your friend’s girlfriend. 

ALEC: (smirking) Nope. 

JAMIE: Wait, what? 

ALEC: Li? 

LINDA: Oh, stop it, Alec. 

ALEC: Well, don’t be embarrassed, baby. All great love affairs start like that. 

LINDA: Stop it. 

ABBEY: You were the girlfriend? How did I not know about that? 

ALEC: Gather around, children. It’s story time!

LINDA: You’re being a dick, Alec. 

ALEC: It’s a great story, really. 

LINDA: There is no story. 

ALEC: Oh, there’s a story (takes a sip). It’s a story of massive attraction. And a massive betrayal.

LINDA: Fuck off. 

ALEC: There once was a beautiful girl in a happy, committed relationship. Until-

JAMIE: Maybe we should just leave it. 

LINDA: Jesus. There’s nothing to say. Alec and I met through a mutual friend. 

ALEC: Yeah, your boyfriend.

LINDA: We were in a bad relationship. If you can even call it a relationship.

ALEC: I am pretty sure Stan would disagree with you on that one.

LINDA: Well, Stan isn’t here, is he? And why the fuck are you bringing this up? 

ALEC : It’s just a funny story. 

LINDA: There’s nothing funny about it. 

JAMIE: My turn. Okay. I’ve never been in love. I’ve thrown up on a dog. And once I stayed up for 72 hours straight.

ALEC: Don’t sulk, baby. We found each other in the end. Even if we had to break a couple hearts in the process. 

LINDA: You promised you were gonna stop bringing it up. I made a mistake. I apologised. Put it the fuck to rest. 

ALEC: A mistake? And what exactly was your mistake? Dating him or fucking me? 

LINDA: Dating you now that I think about it. 

Linda stands up abruptly. Jamie looks at Abbey. 

ABBEY: You threw up on a dog?

JAMIE: Wasn’t my proudest moment.  

Linda walks to the kitchen cupboard and opens it with an angry gesture. 

LINDA: I knew it. I fucking knew it. 

Jamie and Abbey watch with confusion. 

LINDA: Where is it, Alec?

ALEC: (finishes his wine)What? 

LINDA: Where the fuck is it? 

ALEC: I have no idea what the fuck you’re going on about. 

Linda slams the cabinet door. 

LINDA: Oh, you have no idea? No idea?

Linda heads to the bedroom door, her movements loud, angry and exaggerated. 

LINDA: (off stage) No idea? 

A moment of quiet. 

LINDA: Then what the fuck is this?  

Linda comes back on stage with a half-empty bottle of gin. 

LINDA: I knew this wasn’t you. I knew something was up. But never in my wildest fucking dreams would I assume that this is what you were doing. Are you fucking kidding me?

ALEC: Piss off, Linda. 

LINDA: I told you not to drink the gin. 

ALEC: Well it’s not your fucking decision to make, is it?

LINDA: Oh, it’s my fucking decision if this is how you end up. And I thought, hmm, interesting that baby seems so pissed when he’s just been sipping on Tesco red wine. Well, silly me. He fucking hasn’t been. 

Linda, back in the kitchen, slams the bottle on the dining table and almost breaks it.  

ALEC: You’re making a scene. 

LINDA: I am making a scene? Me? You keep disappearing to the bathroom to apparently take a fucking shot every time you are out of my sight. 

ALEC: Well maybe if you weren’t such a pill, I wouldn’t have to do it behind your back. 

LINDA: Maybe if you weren’t such a dick when you drink hard liquor, I wouldn’t have to act like your fucking guardian. 

ALEC: Oh, but you love it. 

LINDA: Excuse me? 

ALEC: You love treating me like I am your fucking son. Babe this, babe that, Alec doesn’t drink this, Alec prefers that. Well, what Alec fucking prefers is for you to fucking leave me alone and let me breathe. 

LINDA: You promised. 

ALEC: Well, I changed my mind. 

LINDA:(sobs quietly) You promised you were gonna pace yourself. 

Alec opens the bottle of gin and takes a large, provocative sip. Linda watches him with fury in her eyes. 

LINDA: You promised you were gonna quit liquor altogether. 

ALEC : And you promised you wouldn’t cheat on your boyfriend and guess what? Here I fucking am. 

Linda turns around, walks off and slams the door behind her. Abbey and Jamie sit at the table awkwardly, watching Alec in silence. Alec suddenly stands up. 

ALEC: Bitch.

Alec slaps the table, grabs a pack of cigarettes and heads to the terrace, slightly staggering as he walks.

JAMIE: Fuck me. 

ABBEY: I think I should... 

JAMIE: Yeah, good idea.

Abbey stands up and follows Linda. Jamie stays seated at the table alone. After a moment, Alec returns. He sits back at the table. 

ALEC: The fucking lighter won’t fucking work. 

JAMIE: All good, man? 

ALEC: Bloody awesome. 

JAMIE: Do you wanna - 

ALEC: She’s gonna tell me what the fuck to drink and not to drink. Who the hell does she think she is? Hmm? Who the fuck is this girl? 

JAMIE: She’s your girlfriend, man. 

ALEC: Yeah, for now.

JAMIE: Al, do you think you should maybe-

ALEC: Where’s your girlfriend, J...ja..mie? 

JAMIE: Abbey’s not my girlfriend. 

ALEC: (drunkenly rambling) Well, lucky you. Don’t do it. Listen. Listen to me, man. You... You can still go. You can still fucking leave. Run before she breaks your fucking legs. Run for your fucking life, Jamie. 

Linda returns to the kitchen, every bit as furious as when she left. Abbey is following her slowly and cautiously. 

LINDA: Is there some coke I should look for before I lie in the bed? Some ket under the pillow perhaps? What else did you bring, Jamie? Any more fucking treats? 

JAMIE: I...

ALEC: Give it a rest, Linda. 

LINDA: It’s a serious question, Alec. Are you back to drugs behind my back, too?

ALEC: I was never on fucking drugs. 

LINDA: Oh, sorry, my bad. Cause being high every fucking Friday and Saturday is just a hobby, isn’t it? 

ALEC: Well, you managed to ruin that too. 

LINDA: What did you say?

ABBEY: Li, maybe we should just - 

LINDA: Piss off, Abbey. 

JAMIE: Hey. 

LINDA: Fuck you too, Jamie. Fuck you for bringing this shit into this house. 

JAMIE: Alright, I really think we should... Abbey? 

ABBEY: I... I think I’ll call it a night. 

LINDA: Like hell you will. 

ALEC: Leave them alone, babe. If they wanna go fuck, ehm, let them go fuck. I for one would looove a... Let me know when you stop being such a cunt. 

Linda glances at Alec, then storms off again. Jamie stands up, his patience growing increasingly thin.  

JAMIE: Just cool it, man. 

ALEC: (trying to hit the table, but missing) Me? 

Alec tries to stand up but struggles with his balance. He is determined to get into a fight, but his body refuses to cooperate. 

JAMIE: Alright, don’t, man. Come on, Abbey, let’s just...

An old lady, MRS HUTCHERSON, appears on the edge of the stage. She is carrying a tray with muffins and peeking in with unusual interest.

MRS HUTCHERSON: Hello? Is anyone there? 

Mrs Hutcherson walks into the kitchen. 

ALEC: What the fuck?

MRS HUTCHERSON: Excuse me, I’ve heard some screaming and I thought perhaps something was going on around here. Ali, is that you? 

ALEC: (to himself) Fuck me. (to Mrs. Hutcherson) Yeah, hi, Mrs, ehm, Mrs Hutcherson. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Is that truly you, little Ali? I can’t believe this. Where has the time gone? Will someone tell me where the time has gone? 

Jamie and Abbey, who were about to leave, are now glued to the floor watching the latest developments. 

ALEC: Yeah, where... where has it gone? 

MRS HUTCHERSON:I’ve heard some screaming and I thought you all might need some help. 

Linda, ready for another round of the screaming match, marches back on stage and stops in her tracks, stunned by what she is seeing. 

LINDA: What... who are you? 

MRS HUTCHERSON: (extending her hand to meet Linda) I am Agatha. Agatha Hutcherson. A pleasure to meet you, lovely. (to Alec) Ali, who is this lovely young lady? 

Linda shakes her hand with astonishment. 

LINDA: Linda. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Is this your lady friend, Alec? 

LINDA: (getting her mask of politeness back on) Yes, I am. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Well, that’s just wonderful. I was just saying that I heard some screaming earlier and I thought you lot might be in trouble. 

ALEC: No trouble here, Mrs Hutcherson. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Just as well. I made some muffins, help yourself.  

LINDA: That.. that’s not necessary. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: (giggling and winking) Well, they shall be great for tomorrow’s hangover. So how long have you two been in love? 

LINDA: (smiles) Three years. Going on four. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Well, isn’t that wonderful? Mr Hutcherson and I, Todd, you remember Tod, don’t you Alec, Todd and I have been going on fifty-five years, can you believe it? Fifty-five years. And who is this? (noticing Jamie and Abbey) Are these your friends? How long have you two been together? 

ABBEY: We... we’re not together. We’re just...

MRS HUTCHERSON: Well, you two would make a wonderful couple, wouldn’t they Ali? 

ALEC: Ehm, yeah... I guess. 

Alec reaches for one of the muffins and takes a large bite. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: I think they complement each other rather well, don’t you think? I have a good nose for these kinds of things. Always have. When I first met my Todd, I knew. I knew instantly. Well, he wasn’t my Todd back then, of course, but... I just have a good feeling about you lot. (to Alec) How are those muffins, dear?

Alec nods enthusiastically, his mouth too full to answer. 

LINDA: Can... would you like something to drink or-?

MRS HUTCHERSON: Oh no, I am perfectly alright. I just wanted to see what was going on in the Dawson cabin. There’s not much action around here, you know? I tell Todd, I always tell Todd, Todd, we shall go back to the city. But he won’t hear of it. You know, his hearing’s practically gone (giggles at her own joke).  But really, I tell him, let’s go to London, Todd,  to see some of those exhibits or the plays. I hear there are some wonderful plays on the WestEnd these days. Have you seen any good ones? 

JAMIE: I actually went last summer. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: You did? What did you see? 

JAMIE: The Book of Mormon.

MRS HUTCHERSON: Mormon? That’s one of those faiths for the loons, isn’t it? 

JAMIE: Ehm, I suppose you could say that, yeah. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Well, I can’t imagine enjoying that. Todd and I are proud Anglicans. 

JAMIE: It was pretty good, to be honest. Good songs. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Oh, it wasn’t a musical, was it? 

JAMIE: Indeed. 

MRS HUTCHERSON: Well, that changes everything! Todd loves musicals. We went to see Hair when we were, hmm, well not much older than you are right now!

JAMIE: Hair? 

MRS HUTCHERSON: It was truly marvellous. Such a story. Love, the Vietnam War and all that. Maybe they still have it on. Or you can watch it on the YouTube.

LINDA: Well, thanks for the recommendation, Mrs... Agatha, but... isn’t Todd wondering where you are?

MRS HUTCHERSON

Oh Todd! (waving her hand) Todd’s been asleep for hours. He goes to sleep at 8 pm these days, can you believe it? Oh well. Maybe I should head back anyways, in case he wakes up and... Old men are like toddlers, let me tell you, they think they don’t need you but the moment you’re gone they just... Well, it was lovely catching up with you Alec, and the Mormons... Maybe Todd will agree to take the trip to London after all... Goodnight everyone!